I'm cool
by Bonasena
Summary: my take on post s9e18


_Note: Las Season Eric was dealing with not being able to fire his gun after the undercover mission(S8E18), but I don't think they really followed up on that story like they did with Nell in season 6. So this is sort of my take on how he is dealing with it after he fired a gun in s9e18. – hope you like it and please leave a comment below._

 _What happened after the end of s9e18? This is my take on it._

It had been a crazy day for Eric. He had first been really nervous about going on a solo undercover. The last time he went undercover was almost a year ago and that was together with his partner, Nell. A lot of things had happened during his last time in the field. He had killed someone… he knew it was a bad guy, but still. He had taken another person's life. He hadn't fired ago since. For almost a year he hasn't fired his service weapon. For a long time, he had wondered if he should even try to be a field agent. One time he had had a talk with Sam at the shooting range where Sam had told him that being in the field is not for everyone and that is okay. That sentence had been stuck in Eric's head for quite a while after that. Nell, his partner he looks so much up to is so often in the field and deals with it like a pro, while he cant stop blaming himself for killing a bad person who was trying to run them down with a car.

Today when Sokolov's gun had been laying there on the floor right in front of him and the three bad guys had been shooting at Sam and Hidoko, he had hesitated at first about firing it, but as Sam had told him that day last year in the shooting range… "it is a job that has to be done." He had fired at three men and somehow made them self in Sams line of fire so he could take down two of them before the last one surrendered. After the shooting was over and the three men were arrested he didn't feel as awful as he did last time. He actually felt good about it. Sam calling him "bulletproof Beale" helped a bit too. Being acknowledged by Sam or Callen always means a lot to Eric.

Then Nell had shown up at the bank. At first, she had talked to Sam and informed him about the ambulance and what had happened to Arkady and then… she had turned to him and walked over to him at looked directly into his eyes and with her sweet voice asked…

"you… How are you?"

"I'm…" He had thought a bit about how to respond to her question before he found the right choice of words. " cool"

"Yeah, you are cool." She just simply said and smiled at him like there was no one else around them. The sweetness and concern in her eyes was everything he needed to see after a crazy day. After the case was wrapped up in the bank, Callen had driving Arkady and Anna home before he had joined everyone back in the bullpen. Everyone was seated on the couches. Shortly after Hetty came over followed by Mosley.

"great work today Mr. Beale." Hetty had said with a big smile.

"thank you, Hetty… I got good help from Hidoko." Eric was sitting next to Nell and Hidoko was seated in a chair by the end of the Table. Eric looked over at Hidoko with a smile.

"You did the hard part keeping Sokolow busy," Harley said, not wanting to take the credit from Eric.

"you all did a team effort today. Go home, everyone." Hetty orders them.

"don't have to say that twice Hetty," Sam says and raises from his seat.

Everyone gets up and start to gather their things.

"should I get our stuff in ops?" Nell asks Eric. Eric nods and Nell runs up the stairs to ops while Eric looks over at Hetty, who has now taken her usual place in her office again. Eric walks over to her.

"Mr. Beale. If you need it I can ask Nate to come in first thing on Monday."  
"thanks, Hetty but I am fine. I just wanted to thank you for letting me go undercover to day. I haven't gone undercover since the couples retrieve last year. As you may remember I have been dealing with this… going undercover thing and firing my gun, since then, but it was nice to get back out there today. So… thank you Hetty."

"you are very welcome Mr. Beale. Go home get some rest. You have earned it."

Eric smiles at Hetty before he turns around and sees Nell standing at the edge of the stairs.

"hey." He isn't sure of much of what he just said, that she heard.

"you are ready?" She asks. He just put up a smile and walks over to her where she holds his bag to him. He grabs his backpack and they leave together.

The car ride to his place is quiet. No talking just the nice pleasant low sound of the music from the radio. As they pull up in front of his apartment building and Nell parks the car Eric grabs his backpack from the back seat.

"do you want to come in?" he asks before he opens the car door.

"sure." She says and stops the engine and they leave the car together and walk up to his apartment as they have done so many times before.

In the apartment, they drop their bags at the entrance and takes off their shoes. Eric walks straight into the kitchen to grab two beers and Nell walk to the living room to put on a comes back into the living room and they get seated in the corner of the couch as they usually do. Normally Nell starts the movie as soon as they are seated, but not today.

She takes the remote but does not press the play button. Instead, she looks up at him.

"you want to talk about what happened today?" she asks.

"what do you?" He asks.

"I heard what you said to Hetty that since the mission last year you have been dealing with going undercover and firing your gun."

Eric was hoping that she hadn't heard what he had said to hetty. Even though she knew he had seen Nate a few times last year he hadn't told her about the fact that he hasn't fired his gun ever since. Not even at the shooting range.

"I… I haven't fired my gun since the mission last year. Not even at the shooting range. Today… Sokolow dropped his gun and I picked it up and I shot at the bad guys so Sam could take a direct shot at them. I didn't hit them… Sam did. I couldn't get my self to shoot them." He feels embarrassed about admitting that he missed on purpose.

"there is nothing wrong with that. You fired your gun. We got them and no one got hurt. This job is not about killing as many bad guys as possible." She says looking up at him. Her sweet words make him feel better. She leans into his side and places her head on his chest. He wraps his arm around her.

"thanks, Nell. For always saying the right things to me and always making me feel better."  
"you'll do the same for me."

"I'll definitely try." Eric grabs the remote and press play.

It had been a crazy day but it ended like any other amazing day. Snuggling with his best friend and watching one of his favorite movies.


End file.
